Regress
by darkangel-silvermoon
Summary: Reid's having a rough night. Please bear with me?Can be read as friendship or pre-slash...let me know if you think this worth another chapter?
1. Fragile

**[i'm going to regret this in the morning]**

**I own nothing...**

The wind howls,unyielding as Reid stares into the night; rain slashing against the window,pounding its fury.

Reid shivers as smokey tendrils creep through the divots within his mind, filling him with certain dread. His mouth wired shut, he stands at the window, chest rising and falling as if it were filling with mercury; heart fluttering against his ribcage in a desperate attempt to save itself. Tremors run through his very bones as he tries to steady himself against the windowsill.

He's too weak...too weak to save anyone.

Too weak to save himself.

Too weak to protect himself from himself.

And at this very moment, he wants to use- to hurt himself more than the hurt that's within him. To consume until there's nothing left. His heart staggers at the thought, body lit in high relief as electricity surges, spilling white heat between cloud and ground.

His body shutters as sound struggles against his Adam's Apple, stuck with no way to escape as he bows, head thudding against the wooden frame.

He bites his lip as he hits his head again, again, again- a dull ache forming behind his eyes; breathe in ragged pants as he tries to right himself.

The clock flashes 1:26 am, and he knows he's going to have to call him if he intends to make it through the night- well, what's left of it anyway.

Doesn't make him feel any less pathetic as shaky fingers hit the speed dial. Doesn't make him feel any better when the phone rings once, twice...

"Hey Reid." His voice steeped in fear as Reid's jagged breathes reach through the phone cords, creep through the wires, ping off of towers until it reaches the other side of town.

"I can't-" Reid tries, but his jaw aches- his chest splitting in two. Morgan's breathe hitches.

"Reid, get into bed." Morgan's voice soft.

"Derek, I can't!" Reid's voice sharp, broken. 

"Spence, please? For me?" Morgan sits up, trying to assess the damage.

"I-" Reid grits out, "CAN'T!" chucking the phone against the wall I frustration, it connecting with a sickly crack, flying to pieces.

Reid shivers, sinking to the floor; he buries his face into the crook of his arm, chin teetering on the point of his knee.

He doesn't know how long he's sat there before the faint click of the front door being unlocked registers somewhere in his mind. Reid curls deeper into himself; Morgan's heavy footsteps sounding. Morgan's hand lights on Reid's shoulder. Reid looks up to find Morgan's eyes worrying over him.

"Hey Kid." A lopsided grin spreads across Morgan's face.

"'m sorry." Reid murmurs, nuzzling the hand that has cupped the side of his face.

"No worries Pretty Boy; I couldn't sleep no how. Just glad to know you're safe." Morgan stoops down to lift Reid, who curls his arms around Morgan's neck, pressing his face against Morgan's damp tee, reveling in the stolid heartbeat behind the broad expanse of muscle and bone. 

Morgan places Reid in bed, smoothing the sheets around him. A slight frown forms at the look Reid's giving him.

"Pretty Boy, it's okay...do you want to tal-" Reid shakes his head. "Alright-" Morgan turns, but Reid scrambles to grasps Morgan's hand.

"Stay,please!" Reid's voice is strangled as Morgan shivers.

"Shh...it's alright,'m here." Morgan strips off his shirt, settling next to Reid. Morgan presses Reid's head against his chest, silky smooth locks tickling his skin. Morgan hums, Reid nosing the skin.

"I'm sorry." Reid squeezes his eyes shut. "This is too much to ask a fr-"Reid's stopped as Morgan pulls away.

m

"Seriously Reid, do we have to go through this again?" Morgan sighs,jokingly. "as long as you need me, I'm here. It's never too much, I promise." Morgan runs his fingers through Reid's hair, Reid sighs at the contact.

He's going to have to believe that for tonight.

The rain patters overhead, Reid blinks sleepily, heart and breathing syncing with Morgan's as they slowly drift off.

**A/N:**

**I'm sorry- this is not the smut I ordered!(i need to have a private chat with my muse, she's biting my ankles at the present.)**

**Sorry for making Reid the pathetic sniveling, needy, emotional wreck in every one of my fics...but this version of Reid is an extension of me so...i'll write better I promise.**

**Thank you for your time...hope it wasn't a total waste.**

**dasm**


	2. Transparent

**I own nothing.**

**Reid and Review please.**

Morgan blinks awake, frowning at the empty space next to him. He sighs, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress- way too early- the dawn not yet blushing on the tips of branches.

Morgan pads his way from room to room, until he finds Reid curled in a worn velvet chair in his own library, eyes rimmed red.

"Mornin' Pretty Boy." Morgan's voice scratches from unused. Reid looks up, swiping furiously at his eyes a watery smile faltering on his lips.

"Did I wake you?" Reid asks, guilt tinting his voice.

"Nah- I just- you were gone, and I wanted to see if you were alright." Morgan sits on the ottoman next to Reid's feet.

Reid picks at a loose thread on the seam of his sleep pants.

"I'm fine." Reid tries to give a reassuring smile, but fails. Morgan studies him, Reid biting his lip in worry.

"Kid...make you some coffee?" Morgan purses his lips. Badgering Reid gets you nowhere, so there's no point in even trying. Reid nods his head, letting Morgan lead the way into the kitchen.

Morgan pulls the canister of Maxwell out of the cabinet, and measures out the grains, pours the water, and sets the pot. Morgan can't help but chuckle as he catches Reid staring in wonder as the dark streams of liquid make their way to the pot. He pulls up a chair sitting across Reid in silence as the coffee slowly winds to slow drips- a full pot of strong, black coffee is made.

Morgan gets up, rooting around for two clean mugs, the container of sugar and a spoon.

They say nothing as Morgan slides a full cup of coffee to Reid, who stirs in five teaspoons. Morgan takes the spoon and pours a meager two.

They say nothing as they sip their drinks in silence, their soft breathe carried to each others ear.

"Reid, I didn't come here for a sleep over did I?" Morgan sets his coffee down as the silence is stretched thin.

Reid sighs, looking past Morgan's shoulder.

"No." Reid's mouth sets in a determined line as he clenches the handle on the mug.

Morgan taps his thumb on the rim of his mug, patiently waiting for Reid to cave- he always does.

"It's just...sometimes it's too much." Reid rolls his eyes at his failure of words. The ineffectiveness of language, the failure to communicate sometimes astounds him.

"The job? What we do?" Morgan asks, trying to understand.

"That too. But it's more like...me. It's overwhelming sometimes...to be locked inside your head, knowing that deep down that you don't have a key. And the panic rises and then it's too much for you to even try to pull yourself out of it...and then you push people away because you don't know how to tell them how you're feeling, not that you understand it yourself...and this sounds like drivel doesn't it?"Reid's heart hammers against his chest as he looks up to meet Morgan's gaze.

"No, it doesn't." Morgan looks him square in the eye. Reid continues.

"I was so close to using last night- just to float for a little while- let all this pressure go. But then I...thought about you and...how you helped me through it before...so I called." Reid gulps down the last of his coffee, staring at the brown dregs at the bottom of the mug. He sighs, letting his shoulders slump.

"I just...want to feel...okay in my skin. I don't want to have to over think all the time, analyze every emotion, deconstruct it to it's basic parts and then analyze some more. I'm...tired." Reid stands to put the cup in the sink, gripping the counter top. Morgan stands behind him, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Reid's slim waist, pulling him closer to him. Reid sighs as Morgan rests his chin on the crook of Reid's shoulder- closes his eyes at the contact. His shoulders heave as he feels the steady beat of muscle against his back, the movement reverberating in his own chest.

And then the sobs come. Soundless at first, but it's what he needs. He needs to cry without fear, with out the shame and stigma associated with the act of letting go. _Men do cry-_is how Morgan put it once. It's okay.

And they stand that way, Morgan supporting Reid's weight as he shifts in Morgan's arms, turning so he can bury himself in Morgan's chest. And Morgan doesn't mind, taking all that Reid gives- because he knows he needs it too. He needs to be there just...because.

Reid sobs turn to whimpers- and after a while there is nothing but breathing. Reid lifts his head, extracting an arm to wipe at his face. Morgan hums, using a gentle hand to help remove the wetness from Reid's face.

"Thank you." Reid says, face reddening in embarrassment. Morgan gives Reid a small smile as he catches Reid's eye.

"You don't have to say it Reid. I'm here-got it?" Morgan gets a small smile from Reid in return as the sun creeps up the kitchen's walls.

"Think we better get ready for work, you okay?" Morgan asks as Reid pulls away. Reid nods.

"I am now."

**A/N: I seriously want to capitalize Coffee and I don't know why. **

**Any who...thank you all for the faves.**

**[Do you think this is too...melodramatic? I think that's one of my weak points as a writer] **

**Let me know. **

**Feedback[i.e.: Reviews] are very much needed and appreciated.**

**Thank you in advance.**


	3. Struggle

**I own nothing...**

**So, I rarely write female characters for the wonderful world of slash fiction for our B.A.U boys...so I hope I did Jayj some justice.**

**I think I can eek out two to four more chapters [one being some overdue smut...but then again, it would warrant an established relationship to come first so...]**

**if they're wanted, they'll be a go...but I won't have a clue unless you review.**

J.J sees Reid plodding into the bull pen doggedly, plopping down into his seat. He rests his forehead against the dark stained wood.

"Hey Spence, everything alright?"J.J frowns as Reid jumps at the sound of her voice.

"I'm fine." He sits up, giving her a half smile as penitence. 

"Where's your coffee, I thought that was standard issue for you this early." She jokes and he snickers.

"Derek's going for a coffee run, he'll be back in a minute." Reid says. J.J notices the look that passes over his face at the mention.

"Spencer, are you sure everything's alright?" She gives him a knowing look that he knows he can't escape. Sometimes J.J can be just as bad, if not worse than Garcia. He relents.

"Other than the fact that I am socially stunted...nope. Nothing wrong here." He gives false cheer in his voice as he spins his chair to meet her.

"Reid."Her voice soft as she perches on the edge of Reid's desk. He sighs grudgingly, caving in.

"I don't know what to do. It seems like everyone else got the handbook on how to display proper affection and I was the only one not clued in." Reid's face scrunches in exasperation as he runs shaky fingers through his hair. 

"Well, I think...that special someone would just be happy to know that you do...care for them in a romantic sense."

"But what if I'm rejected, or they're so disgusted that they never want to speak to me again. I don't think-"

"What's worse, knowing or not knowing?" J.J counters before Reid sinks himself into more self doubt.

"You're sweet, charming, funny in your albeit quirky way, intelligent, eye candy-" Reid scoffs at J.J's list. "What is there not to fall for? He's just not sure if he should make a move, so you should tell him."  
>Reid's eyes bug out.<p>

"I didn't..."

"You didn't have to, I may not be a profiler, but I've got eyes like you do. My god, you should see yourselves- it makes me want to lock you two in the nearest supply closet and let you get over yourselves and play grab ass like you know you need to for cripes sak- Hey Morgan, one of those for me?" J.J smiles sweetly, Reid jumps turning around to see Morgan striding in coffee cups in hand.

"Sorry Jayj, Pretty Boy already claimed the syrup masquerading as coffee." Morgan hands Reid his cup.

_Tell him..._J.J mouths as Morgan turns his back. Reid shakes his head, Morgan arching his brow in curiosity.

"What's up with you two?" Morgan's interest piqued, Reid knows once Morgan's latched on he won't shake loose easily...but still, the stupid go to phrase falls from his lips anyway.

"Nothing..." Reid says vaguely.

J.J hops off his desk, feigning a death stare.

"Since you won't share your coffee Derek, I have to go scrounging for my own...maybe Garcia will come with." She scoots off quickly, shooting Reid a pointed look before dashing off.

"Uh...thanks for the coffee." Reid gives a weak smile as he takes a sip.

Morgan taps the lid of his own cup.

"I hope I got it right...I wasn't sure...You'd think I'd get it by now."Morgan's shoulder hitches in a nervous gesture- something boyishly fitting for the resident stud muffin. Reid's stomach flutters tight as he catches Morgan's eye.

Reid smiles- "It's perfect."

Reid looks up to see J.J standing at the banister-_tell him._

Morgan squints, staring at J.J's mouth.

"Tell him what, Pretty Boy?" Morgan's voice filled with intrigue.

There's no way he's going to shake him now.

**A/N: So...anyone else disturbed by all these negative posts popping up via anon posters or just these really negative SH*TTY reviews popping up on other people's slash stories...i'm getting pretty sick of it. What ever happened to nice, clean reviews without harshing anyone out. **

**I don't know, it frustrates me to see all the negativity floating around on . I thought this was a friendly place when I first started posting here...and I hope it stays that way...so I just want to say...please, please, please...if you read a story that offends you( whether it be warned or not...just stop reading and walk away...and if it's not properly warned,just KINDLY/RESPECTFULLY pm the author...and I'm pretty sure they'll gladly amend their posts as well) **

**Mini rant...'m sorry.**

**Please review:Like...don't like...I like words(-) as you can tell; so now it's your turn.**


	4. Surrender

**I OWN NOTHING!**

**So long time no hear?**

**Sorry for the huge delay- I'm trying to catch up on all the fic I've been neglecting. **

**Rejoice? Enjoy? Review! (I dare you)**

"Morgan I swear if you ask one more time, I"-

"Well tell me then. I promise I'll leave you alone when you do." Morgan whines.

Reid grumbles as Morgan gives him a flirty smile. He closes his eyes- Morgan can be really annoying when he wants to. He's been underfoot for an hour and as much as Reid _likes _him; there's only so much he can take.

"Awe Spence- why are you giving him a hard time?" J.J gives Reid a coy smile and his face heats.

"YOU! This is your fault. Make him stop." Reid covers his ears flopping back down in his office chair.

J.J gives Reid a thoughtful look- Morgan suffice to say looks more confused than ever.

"Oh God! Put him out of his misery!" J.J gestures to Morgan.

"How is that going to help?"

"Well if you don't get up off your butt and tell him I will."

"No- I don't see how that will solve anything! That just throws everything into confusion."

"He looks like a lost puppy- I think he deserves the truth." J.J gestures to Morgan who gives the pair an indignant look.

"You know I'm right here." Morgan deadpans.

"Yes, we are quite aware of that." Reid grumbles, crossing his arms in defiance. J.J huffs- getting up to drag Morgan by the arm.

'Wait! Okay- I'll…tell him." Reid pouts, swallowing nervously as J.J smirks. Morgan sighs as Reid grabs his jacket.

"Let go for coffee first?" Reid looks hopeful as Morgan grabs his coat behind him.

"Come on is it really that bad?" Morgan furrows his brow as he looks at J.J.

"Morgan if he doesn't tell you- trust me, I will. Stubborn jack ass." J.J says ruefully, blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

/

**Morgan bursts into laughter as the mug is set before Reid- whipped cream floating atop a large cup of coffee. **

"**This is the best thing EVER! And it comes with a cookie!" Reid's voice high with excitement.**

"**Maybe this wasn't a good idea. You're splittin' that cookie." Morgan's eyes drift to the snickerdoodle cookie at Reid's elbow- half the size of cookie cake.**

"**Hey- I need all the buzz I can get!" Reid says as he takes a sip of the coffee; taking the napkin to clean the whip off his face.**

**Morgan studies Reid- trying to discern what was so important that they had to leave the office and get Reid hopped up on sugar to tell him anything.**

**Morgan reaches for the cookie- breaking off a piece as hazel orbs watch his movements. A charge runs down Morgan's spine as puts the other half back, nibbling on the piece he does have.**

**Reid slips into a pensive silence as he stares into the depth of his coffee mug.**

"**The thing is- the last time I was in this position; I lost a close friend. And I don't want that…but there's a part of me that needs to get this off my chest so I can deal with it." Reid looks up to find Morgan staring at him.**

"**What's going on kid?" Morgan's voice filled with worry.**

**Reid reaches for the cookie again, taking a bite- stalling.**

_**GET IT OVER WITH! NOT THAT HARD!-**_**his mind bucks at him.**

"**I'm not sure…" Reid tries to swallow the lump that forms in his throat-words threatening to choke him. "I'm over thinking this- oh god, I shouldn't be doing this. Can we just forget"- Reid's breathe hitches as he makes to leave.**

**Morgan places a firm hand around Reid's wrist; palm unbearably warm over Reid's cool skin.**

"**Pretty Boy- whatever it is, you can tell me." Morgan insists. Whatever's on Reid's mind has officially got Morgan worried.**

"**I'm just…" Reid slumps in his seat, breath coming out in a puff. "I know how or when…but I think I blurred the lines somewhere between us…and I've come to the conclusion that I"- Reid looks as if he's going to dart, and Morgan has this overwhelming urge to pin him down by the wrist, pressing himself against…**

**Morgan frowns at his line of thought. Yeah his mind can go there…and increasingly so towards Reid. Morgan's mouth drops in realization.**

"**Reid." Morgan arches his brow in disbelief.**

**Reid sets his lips in a thin line.**

"**Reid. What are you saying?" Morgan's voice is shaking; Reid is officially sure that this was a **_**very bad idea.**_

"**I need to know. I need to hear you say it." Morgan's voice is breathless as his fist clenches tight. **

**It's not real unless Reid says something. It isn't real.**

_**Say something Reid. Say something. Say something. Say. Something.**_

"**MorganIloveyou?" Reid frowns as he clears his throat-body trembling in the rush of everything.**

**Morgan closes his eyes.**

"**Say something?" Reid whispers.**

**Reid tears up as a smile creeps across Morgan's face as they listen to the clank of metal, the grinding of blenders, the undercurrent of voices tugging them along.**

**Reid starts to scoot out of the booth- Morgan pulls him back in- opening his eyes.**

"**Where in the hell do you think you're going?" Morgan says voice low. Reid's blood pounds in his head.**

"**Nowhere?" Reid says in confusion as he sits again.**

"**Right." Morgan says simply. "So are you going to give me a chance to respond to that or what?"**

**Reid sighs. Morgan smile is contagious.**

"**Reid, I'm here for you, you do know that, right?"**

"**Yeah-"Reid blinks-when did Morgan's hand make its way to his shoulder? A lopsided smile finds a place on Reid's lips. He licks them, Morgan's eyes follow the tip of Reid's tongue; flicking back up to meet Reid's.**

"**Kid?" Morgan's voice barely audible as he leans in, eyes finding their way back to Reid's lips; he wonders if they're sweeter from the coffee and cookie.  
>Reid wonders when Morgan found the time to snake his hand through Reid's hair; the din of the coffee shop melting into the background as they press their lips together- the soft heat radiating from each other. <strong>

**Morgan's eyes flutter close as the Reid's hand lights on his lower back. He never knew kissing could be so good, as his tongue traces the cracked skin on Reid's lips.**

**And their brains shut down from the smell of coffee and the feel of each other's skin. And they are vaguely aware of the eyes staring at them; but in the moment, nothing matters as their mouths move-whispering words of love and comfort.**

**Reid whimpers as he pulls away from Morgan for air- body charged with energy he's never felt before. Morgan presses his forehead against Reid's, fingertips brushing along Reid's jaw.**

"**I love you too Reid." Morgan whispers, eyes shining bright as he takes in the disheveled hair- bruised lips so perfect and red.**

**Reid almost purrs as he leans into the touch, Morgan cupping his face as he kisses him again.**

**Nothing has ever tasted so sweet.**

A/N: I fear that I have reached a standstill in fic. I'm not asking for pity or anything- but do you ever have that moment when you doubt _EVERYTHING_ and want to every fic you've ever written off the site?

I'm not to that point- but the insecurity is looming. *Sigh* Gubey and Moore are in Tokyo together…*WAH!* I want pictures :D


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